Rating: General Audiences
Genre: Humour, General
Word Count: 550
Pairings or Characters: Jamie McCrimmon, Victoria Waterfield, mention of Second Doctor
Notes: Thanks to unfeathered for beta
Summary: On a visit to a human colony on another planet, Jamie and Victoria stumble across a room filled with... pets, apparently.
Link: Read on AO3, or click on the cut tag link to read here on the community
Jamie and Victoria stared at the room, taking in Madame Mayor’s daughter’s ’collection’. Jamie tried not to shudder.
”Well,” said Victoria after a long pause, ”in my time it is customary for young ladies to have little songbirds as pets.”
”In my time,” said Jamie, ”wee birds have feathers and not gears.”
They stared some more.
”They’re well made, though,” Victoria said. ”You can see that one’s meant to be a robin, for instance.”
”Oh no, it’s opening its beak again!”
They grimaced and covered their ears as the bird let out a tinny series of squeaks and trills. Jamie felt sure the sound could separate his flesh from his bones.
”They need to work on the singing, though,” Victoria said.
”I dinnae understand,” Jamie said. ”Why would anyone want wee bird machines made of gears and metal? It’s not as if anyone can believe they’re real.”
”You heard what the Doctor said about most animals dying during the space flight. People still like having pets, I suppose.”
”Sure they can tell it’s no’ the real —”
They heard a series of squeaky noises and metallic clanks. Victoria let out a muffled scream. Muffled, because Jamie covered her mouth with his hand just in time.
”Shh. Someone’ll hear us.” He stared at the thing that was… hopping across the room. ”Why, it’s a wee rabbit! A metal rabbit!” Jamie withdrew his hand from Victoria’s mouth, as she was no longer trying to scream.
Victoria, looking bolder, took a few steps towards the clunking metal rabbit. It stopped at her shoe. Then it blooming well looked up at her.
”Oh!” Victoria sounded ominously… doting.
The robot rabbit was standing on its haunches like a real rabbit would. Except for all the gears whirring and the steam coming out of its ears. It even twitched its wee metal nose. And Victoria bent down and picked it up!
”Careful!” Jamie seized Victoria’s arm. She ignored him and examined the rabbit.
”It doesn’t look dangerous,” she concluded.
”It could be a bomb for all ye know!”
”It’s too small to fit a bomb as well as the machinery,” Victoria said with a knowledgeable air. ”Look, Jamie, how prettily it’s made. It looks so much like a real rabbit.”
”I think it’s sweet.” Victoria pulled the mecha-rabbit to her bosom and embraced it.
”It could be what’s sending the signal to ’em… ’em pirates.” He’d forgotten exactly what the colony called them.
”I suppose that’s possible,” Victoria conceded. ”We should get the Doctor to examine this dear little thing.”
Jamie looked at ’the dear little thing’. ”It’s poopin’ on yer dress.”
”Jamie McCrimmon!” Victoria looked at him indignantly. ”You shan’t use such words with a lady. And this little bunny is doing no such thing.”
”Aye, but it is,” Jamie said. Victoria lifted the rabbit from her bosom and looked at the dark stain on her dress. Her mouth pursed.
”It’s merely disposing of soot,” she said. ”From burning the coal that powers it.” She didn’t hug it again, though.
”Let’s find the Doctor,” Jamie said, and escorted her towards the door. Though if Victoria was so enchanted by the bunny, he thought, as he held the door for her to pass through first… goodness only knew how the Doctor was going to react!